Yes. Some questions are loaded. No. It's not always the other person doing the loading.
The loaded question 🙅♀️.
Has anyone ever asked you a question that you think they already know the answer to? They ask anyway. You feel triggered. The internal battle begins 🧠.
Why are they asking? Shouldn't they know? Do they want me to justify myself? I shouldn't have to answer this! 🙇♀️
No matter what is said, it feels...disappointing. You feel misunderstood.
You go home and recite different ways you could have ’won’ the conversation in front of the mirror 🤦♀️.
Yes. Some questions are loaded.
No. It's not always the other person doing the loading.
If you notice a particular person, topic or question that continually feels loaded, it may be time to start doing some ’unloading.’
🙋♀️ “I need to take a pause real quick; I’ll be right back.”
*shuts the door, takes deep breaths, looks in the mirror and asks - what unwanted thoughts or assumptions did I bring to that conversation?
...minutes pass more deep breaths, feel a bit better, return to the conversation.
”I have to admit I started to feel _______ when we were talking; I feel ______ now and can see how I was bringing _________ to the conversation. I'd like to [start over/talk about something else/ whatever you want to do at that moment].”
🚫 There's no need to fake it, hide it, or bury it. 🚫 There's also no need to shame it, discredit it, or judge it.
Acknowledging how you feel without judgement is a crucial part of developing self-empathy ✨.
Mutually growth-enhancing, healthy relationships require both empathy AND self-empathy. No shame. No self-judgement. AUTHENTICITY.
Let me know if you've ever felt this way in the comments and what's been working or not working for you!