Blog Posts - ASTERI PURSUIT ™

EVERY BUSINESS SAYS THEY HAVE ‘COMMUNITY’ - SO, HOW IS YOURS DIFFERENT?

1/5/2021

We all want to be a part of a community that is a positive space and filled space with people who embody the qualities we believe in and bring out the best in us.

As a business, having a strong community is an incredible tool for building and maintaining culture, improving brand reputation, increasing brand awareness and visibility, and attracting and retaining clients and employees who embody your company values.

Many challenges can arise when both building and maintaining a community for your business. Toxic members, miscommunication, ignored boundaries, awkward silence.

One challenge that is SO common and yet rarely discussed is how you can stand out from the mass of other ‘communities’?
How can you define and differentiate your community from every other community out there?

The most common strategy business owners and marketers use is to ask their members to describe it in their own words.

“I love this community because it’s so positive and welcoming; everyone is awesome!”
Not super helpful - everyone says that about their community.

So, how do you explain your culture with enough context that outsiders can see how it’s different?

The same way you go about describing how your business is different from the rest of the competition.

ASK MORE QUESTIONS.

What problems do your competitor’s businesses solve, and where does their community come into the process?
Ask prospective clients what it is that they are looking for in a community?
Ask current and past clients what it was that made yours different?
What problem do you solve in the market, and what role does your community play in solving it that others on the market do not? AKA What gap does your community fill in the market.

This isn’t a 5-minute project.
Learning the right words to describe your community and the culture it upholds takes TIME.
BUT, if your community is a crucial aspect of your business, you can and should use it to market your business.

Community is something we all crave and is a MASSIVELY powerful marketing tool when used correctly.

If you’d like an audit of your community ‘pitch,’ post it in the comments, and I’ll help you nail it!

our neurobiological wiring is relational.

1/5/2021

We, and our businesses, grow and flourish in connection ⚡️.

The word connected has taken on a different meaning in recent history. Phones, social media, and a constant need to be “connected” is NOT what I am talking about🙅‍♀️. Often, we are so attached to our phones and social media when we feel the most disconnected.

Genuine connection, brought forward through mutually meaningful relationships, has four specific components.

1. Mutual engagement and empathy: mutually involved, committed, and sensitive to the relationship with a willingness to impact AND be impacted by another.

2. Authenticity: the freedom and capacity to be ourselves with an awareness of how we impact others.

3. Empowerment: The sense of personal strength that emerges from the relationship.

4. The ability to express, receive, and process diversity, difference, and CONFLICT in the relationship in a way that fosters mutual empowerment and empathy.

If I’ve learned anything through this time of global crisis, it is that mutually meaningful relationships directly impact: the healthy development of our sense of self, our resilience, AND the success of our businesses.

We are wired to connect 🧠.

“We do not use nurturing or loving people to fill us up or prepare us to separate and then stand strong alone. There is not a cutoff on our need for connection - ever!” (Jordan, 2017).

🚫 It’s time to stop the cold DM’s, generic email campaigns, and manic feast-or-famine social media marketing strategies.

✅ It’s time to step up and take ownership of our communications authentically and take back REAL connection.

I’m here to help. 🙋‍♀️

If you are ready to build real connections and foster mutually meaningful relationships that empower, influence and lead, I’ve got news for YOU!

Strategic Communications & Marketing Consulting.
Connective Communications Coaching.
Done-for-you Marketing Services.

2021 HERE WE COME!

Get to the heart of what matters most to your clients and team so you can empower, influence and LEAD 💕.

Interested in learning more?
Click the link in my bio or send me a DM.

The loaded question

1/5/2021

Yes. Some questions are loaded.
No. It's not always the other person doing the loading.

The loaded question 🙅‍♀️.

Has anyone ever asked you a question that you think they already know the answer to?
They ask anyway.
You feel triggered.
The internal battle begins 🧠.

Why are they asking? Shouldn't they know? Do they want me to justify myself? I shouldn't have to answer this! 🙇‍♀️

No matter what is said, it feels...disappointing.
You feel misunderstood.

You go home and recite different ways you could have ’won’ the conversation in front of the mirror 🤦‍♀️.

Yes. Some questions are loaded.

No. It's not always the other person doing the loading.

If you notice a particular person, topic or question that continually feels loaded, it may be time to start doing some ’unloading.’

🙋‍♀️ “I need to take a pause real quick; I’ll be right back.”

*shuts the door, takes deep breaths, looks in the mirror and asks - what unwanted thoughts or assumptions did I bring to that conversation?

...minutes pass more deep breaths, feel a bit better, return to the conversation.

”I have to admit I started to feel _______ when we were talking; I feel ______ now and can see how I was bringing _________ to the conversation. I'd like to [start over/talk about something else/ whatever you want to do at that moment].”

🚫 There's no need to fake it, hide it, or bury it.
🚫 There's also no need to shame it, discredit it, or judge it.

Acknowledging how you feel without judgement is a crucial part of developing self-empathy ✨.

Mutually growth-enhancing, healthy relationships require both empathy AND self-empathy.
No shame. No self-judgement. AUTHENTICITY.

Let me know if you've ever felt this way in the comments and what's been working or not working for you!

'why questions' and why they suck

1/5/2021

stop asking 'why questions.'

Why did you do that❓
Why do you think that❓
Why did you say that❓
Why do you feel like that?❓
Ugh.

’Why questions’ assume two things, 1) that the ’why’ will somehow be helpful, and 2) that they know why in the first place.

What do ’why questions’ almost guarantee:
🚫 Over-intellectualization and rationalization instead of meaningful and open observation;
🚫 A defensive internal dialogue;
🚫 A ”I did what I thought was right at the time” response.

So why do so many rely on ’why questions’?
They seem deep 🧠. They sound psychological. We've seen it in the movies.

Instead of asking why, here's what you can do:

✅ Listen attentively and get the whole story;
✅ Ask open and inviting questions;
✅ Allow them to get to why on their own;
✅ Extract their motivations from what you see and hear;
✅ Reflect your observations to them; and
✅ Ask if you are on the right track.

Whether you are a trainer, coach, physician or clinical practitioner, avoiding ’why questions’ will show that you are listening, and you are empathetic. You will also prevent harsh and defensive internal dialogues.

Getting to why can be important, but asking why questions isn't the best way to get there. ✨

Have you ever been asked ’why questions’ and felt defensive or therapized?
Let me know in the comments!

Lost in Translation

1/5/2021

Challenges of Digital Communication

Tone, body language, facial gestures, and personality can be easily lost in written communication.

Have you ever read an email or message and wondered:
Are they mad?
Do they care?
Do they have any idea what I’m going through?
How can they expect me to understand this?

The reality is, life is only getting more digital, and our ability to lead is directly impacted by our ability to communicate both verbally AND in writing.

So what can you do to ensure your written communications are working in your favour?

Be CLEAR - Ambiguity is the killer of effective communication. It turns on our internal dialogue and stops us from listening or absorbing what is actually being said or written. Read your text out loud and take your time.
Give Specific Directions - What do you want? Be specific, and don’t ever assume someone knows what you want. They cannot read your mind.
Be Concise - No one wants to read an unnecessarily long message. The longer it goes, the less reading actually happens. Keep it concise. Time is precious.
Empathy is EVERYTHING - Always make a point to lead with empathy. Put yourself in their shoes, and then ask for confirmation that you understand what they are going through, need and feel. The more the other person feels heard and understood, the more open they will be to the rest of the conversation.

These four simple steps can massively improve your written communication and help you genuinely connect with your reader.

Bonus Tip: Use the newbie test - if you were sending this to a brand new team member on their very first day, would they understand it, feel empowered by it, and be able to list exactly what you are asking of them?

Let me know if you found this helpful!

INVITATION SKILLS

1/5/2021

HOW TO INVITE OTHERS INTO THE CONVERSATION ONLINE.

Engagement. I really HATE that word.
Engagement is the most commonly used word for soliciting interaction from followers on social platforms.

Engagement on social platforms is used like fishing.
Bait. Hook. Catch (ie. click, comment, DM).
Toss into the boat or back into the water (ie. pitch a sale).
Start over.

Over time, the social platform rewards you with a small net.
Repeat.
The social platform rewards you with a bigger net.
Repeat.

The thing no one wants to tell you about this process: those ‘catches’ are HUMANS.

There IS a better way.

Instead of getting caught up playing the fishing for Engagement game, you can instead work to develop relationships that will grow the metrics that actually matter in your business.

There is a simple tool you can use to start developing connections and nurturing REAL, HUMAN relationships.

Door Openers.
Door openers are an invitation to a conversation that allows the other person to determine the depth of their response. More than just a simple greeting or passing social response; they signal that you are genuinely open and available to connect (not just sell) and encourage exploration, and discussion.

“You mentioned in your stories that you just started working from home. How’s the transition been?”
“Oh, you like to cycle? I just started. I’d love to know more!”
“I see you prefer podcasts over physical books too. I’d love to know more about why?”

The KEY to door openers is that once the door is open, you have to KEEP IT OPEN, regardless of a pitch or sale.
You don’t use door openers to get Engagement. You use door openers to start developing Relationships.

Some of these relationships may turn into
- direct sales;
- word of mouth;
- answer to questions you have;
- referrals;
- friendships; or
- a conversation.

I’m NOT saying to drop all of your personal boundaries and spend all of your time online talking to everyone.
I AM saying that we need to ditch the “what am I getting out of this” attitude and remember that business is about serving HUMANS. You are Engaging with Real People - so let’s treat them that way.

I’d love to know what you think about Engagement in the comments!

Trying to Solve Before Truly Listening

1/5/2021

Why pitching or throwing your services at someone before truly listening shuts down the conversation.

Selling before Listening.

The truth is, most people don’t want you to solve their problems for them; they want someone to listen to them and have a chance to listen to themselves.
Think back to a time when you were trying to open up to someone about a struggle you were having, but they immediately threw solutions at you.

How did you feel?

Unheard.
Frustrated.
Misunderstood.
Ignored.
Angry.
Resentful.

I’ve been there too.

As a helper, regardless of your title, the first step to developing any relationship, making any pitch, or making any sale is LISTENING.

TRULY LISTENING.

Not to stock up on opportunities to overcome objections or to solve their problem. Just to listen.

Feeling the need to help can be distracting; we want so badly to ease their pain and solve their problems.

When you think about it, most people have already had their fill of ‘advice’ and need a moment just to feel heard.

Contrary to popular belief, listening is not passive.

It is HIGHLY ACTIVE as you take in the facts, the person’s feelings, and understand their perspective.

Our job as the helper is not to solve their problem or throw our offers on the table any chance we get. It’s to give them a safe container or space to discover their own power, merely offering tools and guidance that empower them.
So, how can you help the other person feel heard?

Eye contact
Relaxed and attentive body position
Attentive Silence
Confirming what you heard (“you felt angry” or “you felt helpless”)
Summarize what you heard (“So let me make sure I got it right…”)
Don’t jump into solving their problem; instead, ask them what you can do to help and let them tell you if they are ready for a solution.

*If not, have faith that your listening was appreciated, and you will be rewarded with a sale, a referral, or great word of mouth.

When someone feels truly heard and understood, something incredible happens.
Trust begins to develop.

Trust is the most essential part of marketing, sales, and business. When you have a person’s trust, you will likely have their business, their friends and family’s business, and you’ll KEEP IT.

Now, tell me in the comments whether you agree!

Stealing Backpacks

12/31/2020

This past year started with me jumping back into school and falling madly in love with psychology and writing all over again. I went in with a lot of assumptions about what classes and topics I would love most.

Neuroscience.
Humanist Theory.
Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy.

They were great, don’t get me wrong. But they did not “light a fire in my belly” so to speak.

The fire that did rise was not at all what I expected.

During this time, I took the blandly titled and not so sexy “Foundations of Helping.” Not a class I was looking forward to; I knew what helping was.

As I read chapter after chapter of my textbook, paired with study after study about helping and the process of creating change, I was simultaneously going through my very own change process.

The ONLY lesson in Helping.

I struggle to watch Humane Society ads, Disney and Pixar movies, and those Superbowl commercials with the dogs and horses.

I also hate going to the movies.
Not because I don’t love movies, good stories, or buy into the messages.
Because I HATE that someone else’s emotions can bring me to tears in less than a second.

I’m a feeler.

I have always struggled to separate my emotions from those of others. I take your sadness and carry it around for days like a backpack filled with bricks I don’t want or need.

How in the hell was I going to listen to the challenges and traumas of those who would eventually sit in my chair and not lose my mind?
How indeed.

I was terrified. I was starting to stop, find stillness and sit with my emotions more regularly. It was uncomfortable. I kind of hated it.

I felt the way I used to when I was ten, back before I learned that feeling too much was weak and dangerous.

The more I felt, the more I felt.
It was exhausting.

After weeks of just letting it all go, I started to notice something.
Not all of those emotions felt like they were mine. I began removing the backpacks I had been wearing for years and started to see names and labels attached to them.
Mom. Dad. Teacher. Brother. Coach. Husband.
Danm.

I had been carrying the expectations, emotions, and assumptions of SO MANY other people for so damn long I couldn’t tell the difference between what was mine and what was not.

It felt like a revolution in my heart.

With each day that passed and each feeling that arose, I began to make it a practice to stop, find stillness, and look for a label.
Whose is this?
Is it mine?

I was taking on the emotions of others because I assumed others could not handle them. I thought that I needed to be strong and carry that backpack for them because they could not.

Being a helper is NOT about fixing, removing, taking away, taking care of, or making things easier for others. It’s not taking the backpack off of another person and wearing it for them.

It’s about acknowledging that heavy-ass backpack they are wearing, giving them a safe space to open it up, unpack it, and put it back on, realizing their own bravery and strength.

It’s ok to empathize and be affected by others, but I had taken that to the extreme. I was stealing backpacks left and right. I did not know what helping was.

I’m leaving a lot of assumptions, expectations and beliefs behind in 2020. I’m ready to let go of the resistance and feel my way through a new year.

Here’s to reading labels and honouring the strength of others in 2021.

the psychology of connections & community

12/10/2020

growing businesses with community

What does evidence-based psychology say about community and business?

Motherhood & Business

11/27/2020

Motherhood & Business

The three weirdest things motherhood has taught me about business.

Motherhood is fantastic, don't get me wrong, but there is a lot of weird, gross, goopy, and often stinky stuff that comes along with it. Here are a few odd things motherhood taught me about business.

1. Poop and Social Media.

Before I had my daughter, I was pretty worried after hearing the nightmare stories from my mom and many of my friends about the crazy poops babies have. I would try to get my husband or my mom to change the poopy diapers for a while. It was kind of fun to pass my stinky daughter off and have her come back fresh and clean. Unfortunately, there is no way to avoid poopy diapers as a mom, and regardless of how much help I had, I had to change a lot of them. As time went by, it got easier. Less gross. Less stinky. Not because my daughter’s poops were different, but because I got used to it. It wasn’t so bad after all, and seeing her so happy after getting cleaned up was a pretty rewarding feeling.

Now you’re probably thinking, what the heck does this have to do with social media? Well, I used to avoid it too. It seemed formidable, complicated and time-consuming. I never knew what to post, what to say, when to post, or why I was even posting in the first place. Over time, with a lot of practice (and a few social media marketing courses later), I got the hang of it and started to enjoy it. The poopy lesson is that sometimes things will start gross, challenging, and not so fun. With time and practice, you CAN begin to enjoy something you never thought you could.

2. Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face or have a kid.

I am a massive advocate for planning and preparation. Still, I’m also an even bigger fan of being adaptable, fluid, and committed to finding a way regardless if it’s to plan. Having a kid threw every single plan I ever had right in the trash beside the dirty diapers. I learned that kids and parents are truly adaptable. Our ability to pivot, make do with what we have, and go with the flow will significantly increase our chances of a successful outcome (or nap). Sleep schedules, meal schedules, and screen time limits all seem excellent until they don’t work, and you need to change. Start with a plan, maybe even have a few contingencies, but be adaptable more than anything.

3. It can't all be serious.

Whether you are raising a child or building a business, there has to be some fun and play. Kids need to play, use their imaginations, and occasionally break things. They have wild dreams and can turn pretty much anything into a game. In business, finding the fun and play in the day-to-day can be the difference between running a business and LOVING your business. I’ve learned to take a much more relaxed and playful approach to my business and raising my kid. I play music at my desk, a dance between calls, and have an ongoing game of digital checkers going on with one of my clients.

I can’t say there haven't been hard times with both motherhood and running a business, but the good days outnumber the bad. By being open to learning to like things I once disliked, valuing adaptability over rigidity, and adding a lot of fun and play in my life, I’ve never been happier as a mom or a business owner.

I hope you add some fun into your day today and think of me!

Sincerely, Mickey

PS: I’ve added my favourite fun playlist to Apple Music; you can click here to listen to the Boss Mama Beats playlist and have some fun in the office. Click here to listen now!